According to almost whole of my extended family, I’m of a marriageable age.
If you are a south asian girl, you’re probably all too familiar with my story. More so, you might even be in exactly same shoes as I am, metaphorically. Because my actual shoe size is too large. Haha not so funny. Moving on. A couple of weeks back I was visiting back home, India. Every single time I called any of my aunts or uncles, there was one persistent query. “So now that you’ve finished your graduate program, let’s move to more important things, your wedding”, quoting them. STOP.
Before you start judging my whole family as one of the traditional Indian families, please stop. Whole of my family is very supportive, not just of my education but also of my decisions. When I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years just before saying the 2 words “I do”, everyone was anything but respectful of my decision. No one said a word. In reality my mom was ecstatic. I remember her telling, “He’s way too boring and dull for a girl like you”. But, this article is not about rejoicing great decisions.
Everyone saw me off, flying away to a far off country to start a new chapter all together. What my Maasi (aunt) said, got me thinking. She is one of the strongest women I have met in my life. Someone who does the right thing, no matter what the repercussions might be. And I am proud that I can associate herself with me. So when she asked me this question, I started digging. Whole of my adult life, I’ve always been in a committed relationship. Mostly, I had very interesting people in my life. In the last 6 months all the dates I have been on were not fun. In fact, I could barely sit an hour before I made up an excuse as to why I had to leave. ” Oh crap, I just found out I have an extra quiz tomorrow, can we do this again sometime? “, this was one of the common excuses. It was never the true reason though. I was looking to meet the love of my life. So each and every single date of mine, was to evaluate if the guy fits the bill that I can spend whole of my life with him. Deep down within me, I also believed that I needed to be with someone. And, until and unless that happens – things are not really complete.
How did it go? Well I am still single.
So what are the 2 things that I want to share with everyone?
Well the first one is that, where I am right now in my love life, my career in fact anywhere, I am happy. I have just realized that I missed the opportunity of making so many new friends. Every coffee and every drink I went on, could have been an additional friend if not the boyfriend. My past relationships did not start with me thinking I am going to be with him forever. In fact, I never thought of any goal posts for any of them. And they were all beautiful and unique in their own way. So this is game changing for me, the next date I go on would be to meet someone interesting to figure out if I would like to meet the person again. Nothing else.
The second thing I’d like to tell everyone is that, please don’t ask me how old I am. You know why? Not because I want to hide my age, but because I know what calculation is going on in your head. And no matter how much you say you’re educated and liberal, when you say – “hey you’re of X age, aren’t you married?”, you are not. And no, this is not directed for someone whom I know. This is for all of us, to let everyone just be.
I’m comfortable in my own skin. Everyone has the right to feel this way and live this way.
Pic Credits – Up, pixar